The pain: squats and sitting down on the toilet
I was recently flogged by a Personal Trainer with a barrage of squats on account of my whithering fine form.
Apparently I use to be in quite fine form, which is why my now wife, married me. Sadly, it was no longer the case, my fine form that is.
I would like to say, for the record, that every muscle in my body hurt. They hurt quite a bit. I was advised that pain is inversely proportional to amount of physical activity preceding the aforementioned personal training.
I don’t know or understand what that means, but, supposedly I was meant to expect it. The pain that is. I hadn’t done much exercise of late and my whithering fine form is the result of such lethargy on my part.
Going to the toilet to do number two’s is an amazing experience. Not the act or process itself, which I would rather not go into, but the ability to place one’s bottom down on the toilet without sufferance in the process. You see, the act of sitting on the toilet is very similar to a particular exercise called squats.
Squats are an exercise that were inflicted on me with total disregard and abandon by my personal trainer Belinda.
She was ruthless. I hazard a guess that a Navy Seal drill sergeant would have been more sympathetic of my derriere that Belinda was. She wanted me to suffer. She made me suffer. I suffer now.
Squats are very good bum exercise. Squats burn more calories than any other single muscle group exercise, and tone the bum, gluteus maximus muscles, thighs, quadriceps muscles and lower stomach (abs). For that matter a lot of the muscles located around or near the bum. Hence, they are used quite a lot by personal trainers for good, quick results, particularly for women as that is an area most women (and men) in the western world would like to improve somewhat.
So, back to the toilet and my current situation.
Before you read further, this is not what you are thinking?
One goes to the toilet when one ‘feels the need’. Sometimes the need is just an inkling, and sometimes the need is urgent. Lately, the need has been more urgent that not. Mostly because when the need is just an inkling, my mind debates the concept of the pleasure or pain response. Some people may be familiar with the pleasure and pain response.
Basically, humans are more inclined to do something to avoid pain, than they are to gain pleasure. This is human nature and it is integral to the human desire to maintain homoeostasis in their comfort zone i.e: my legs hurt so much when I have to squat down on the toilet that I would prefer to defer going to the toilet for number two’s as long as possible just to avoid having to sit down and subjecting myself to immense pain in the process.
The bum exercises I was subjected to, and initially took to with gusto are called squats.
Performing these exercises has literally been a pain in the ass. It hurts to sit down. My quadriceps scream in protest at me. My glute’s curse their existence as the rump of my world. Yes, unfortunately I need to sit on you. I wait with apprehension at their imminent protestations.
Yes, going to the toilet has turned into an one of those essential is somewhat delayed exercises you put of for as long as is reasonably possible.
Damn those squats, but they work.
You know your alive when doing them, and curse being alive when you have finished them.
This brings me back to the Pleasure and Pain response and the human condition and the desire to maintain their comfort zone.
Discomfort is an amazing motivator. Belinda my personal trainer said that something like this might happen.
Damn you Belinda! She was right. But, she says that squats are the difference between having a butt and having an Ass. The later is what is important to my wife. I’m not overweight, not in the slightest, but the degree of worship she currently places on my derriere has subsided over the last few years. I want it back. It’s nice to have your butt worshipped.
Enjoy my suffering, and have fun.